Just do it then justify

Evil lingers on the idle. I bet that in a country with a high crime rate, giving jobs to people will make significant reduction.  There's a lot of evil things you think of when you don't have a job. I for one, having no job at the moment, actually thinks that I don't have an outlet to expend my energy. My energy surplus is building up and I'm quite sure I'm gonna explode soon. It's funny that nine months ago(OMG has it been nine months already...OMG...it's been so long), I was devastated, even suicidal on my first job.  My unhappiness gave so much power to my impulsion that I quit.  As they say, it's good to be a man of reason, you do what you want to do, then justify with a reason. Should I tell you I still have a contract with my first company. I actually have 14 months more when I quit. I can't believe that my feelings about having to force myself to stay in my first job is impossible.  They could actually sue me. Everyday, for the past three months (I just came to realization only three months ago) I have been constantly haunted by what I did and by my situation right now (jobless), relentlessly, like a shadow of the pass.. WOOoooo.  Why oh why have I done it? Was I that too weak  to give in to my mpulses.  One thing is my false and high expectations at the time. Did I actually think that many companies are dying to hire me? Naive, fledger, stupid! I'm so fucked up right now with this situation. Time is running out men, I'm spending the raimaining years of my youth inside my parents house.

Lord, help me in this situation
Do I sitll have much more lessons to learn?
Did I learn the lesson already?
I know I have been arrogant
I thought at that time that I deserve better...
My job mas menial, and I'm not doing a good job
I'm not good in doing a menial job
But what should I expect about the opportunities in the third world
In a world that is becoming a third world
Resources being depleted,
Amoebas breeding, that's us
There's no stopping us in occupying this world

But Lord, I know deep inside, I still am a believer
Please tell me, why am I afraid?
It's true that I thought I am way more fortunate than most people
But why am I afraid
Why do I look at the future with little hope
Why do I care about the material things and success...
Why do I care about my youth, my talents and the opportunities

Why do I feel that I must do it, and that I can't do it
Why do I give so much pressure to myself,
Was this to meet those I think are the expectations of others?


Is there an honor in living a life in desolation?
Lord, was this the lesson that I have yet to learn?
How about self esteem, how about potentials and talent and hardwork?
A life we dream of is an inspiration,
A source of energy that is as important from the one we get from the food we eat...

Lord, where should I go...
Certainly, doing my best is the right thing, but the world is not responding,
The world is keeping me here in my place, in my house that's already spitting me out

I'm certainly don't belong here Lord,
You have made me to solve problems,
This is a problem but how could I solve this...

Lord, I know that everytime I call you I ask
I know that when I am on a vantage point I question your existance,
But again, here I am, begging you for answers, for grace

Lord, help me, bless me,
Put me to a place where I could deplete my resources, my energy, my body, my youth
I am asking for a second chance,
Give me an opportunity...
I know that many people are asking you this,
But  I really think that I have paid my dues,
Not in my previous job, but as always,
it's always about getting better, more competent,
better person,
I know that you have made me a person with limitation,
but I have done a lot with the little that I've got,
with the little time that I've got....

Lord, help me, I know I should feel that living yet another day is another bonus for me
Bring me to a place where I could give more and learn more...

Why Opt God

I came upon a newspaper article that talks about getting old, losing things acquired through years of hard work, losing mental dexterity, and suffering from chronic physical ailments. It says something like if you loose everything, there's one thing that you won't loose, God.

Maybe, some people opt for God because God serves them what they want or need.  In the same way we choose a book to read. We read those that give us answers, whether it's a book on The Most Effective Slimming Diet or a DIY on Replacing a Flat Tire.

Growing old might be very difficult. I guess one thing people do in there lifetime is to gain things, establish some source of income so they can survive with less worries.  It would be hard to explain if there are people who would choose otherwise, and opt instead to worry where to get food or where to sleep on a day to day basis.  But what if we loose all these things? The money, the strength of the mind and body, the people we knew? What if we're about to loose our lives, the sole reason of our existence and everything. Who would give us comfort? There has always been a need for this kind of security, something or someone that will say it's gonna be okay. Maybe, there aren't a lot of options. Science offers us medicine and ways to improve health and quality of life which includes antidepressants and sedatives that would keep us from pain and apprehension, but it also tells us what we already know, that death is inevitable and there's nothing we can do about it.  The other option might be, what one may say,  too good to be true. A lifetime of happiness.  God gives us security and Salvation. 
 
 Whether God exists or not, or whether or not it's the best option to believe in God, we choose.

Boiling Frog

If you place a toad in a pot of boiling water, it will jump out, try to escape with all it's might and agility that it has. But if you put it in the pot with a warm water,and slowly heat it up, the toad will not notice the fatal place it's in, and will die eventually in the heat.

Well, with a minute of research in this topic, Wikipedia says some claim that this is not really true in its literal sense, for a toad will eventually jump out by the time it feels the water is too hot.

I have learned a lesson today. That is to seek every possible truth in every premise. I don't want to use this metaphor to point a lesson, not because it's not true, because we all know that many Aesop's fables are incredible, but because the act of subjecting a frog to such conditions suggest an experimental method, and the lesson, the conclusion derived from this experiment. Well, some say the result is different, so I guess so should the lesson.

Change is easier when it's gradual.

A Simple Machine

The lever is a simple machine used to lift heavy objects that would have been difficult or impossible with bare hands. A metal or wooden  rod could be used as a lever. You place one end below the object to be lifted and on the other, exert a force in the opposite direction. A solid and stationary object should serve as a fulcrum to permit a rotating motion to the rod. In a nutshell, the lever multiplies the force you exert on an object, 2x, 4x or 100x depending on the length of the rod and the position of the fulcrum.

Archimedes thinks that if he can use a long enough rod, he could move the earth.

Words for me are like levers. We have seen in many ways how words and images create an experience beyond reality. It highlights some things and downplays others. Truth is powerful and profound but perception  is a reality. 

Words are a dime a dozen some may say, but the power of words to bring about change is indispensable.  I think that learning to use words gives value to a person, for his survival and success.   Day by day, we encounter problems that seem insurmountable.  As simple as the lever does, let’s use words that inspires, that guides our efforts, that multiplies.  

One Big Fight!

When I was to take my board exam in the year 2008, my mantra is "Do everything I can, if I fail so should 90% of all board takers".

It may not be profound in statement, but it worked. I passed with high ratings. When I went to see my scores in PRC, I'm quite sure I saw some stars and fireworks with a band banging percussion in the background.

Why it worked. This mantra gave me a goal that is specific. If my goal was to pass the exam, it would have been overwhelming and ambiguous. But if my goal was to ensure that I belong to the upper 10 or 20 percent of all board takers, it's specific and more manageable. The test is composed of random and trivial questions. It is also in multiple choice. With, with little or no preparation, takers have just as much chances of passing. To feel that you succeeded in executing a preparation plan, is a great help in gaining some confidence and loosing some fear.

You may think that such thinking is in the wrong side and hint of crab mentality , but as I've said, it may not be profound but it worked for me.

Holy Friday: Kissing The Christ Jesus Goodbye

Here, I took some photos of the Saint Christopher Parish Church in Bangar, La Union. Paintings illustrating the "Apostle's Creed" and the "Mysteries of Holy Rosary" adorn the ceiling.

The body of the dead Jesus Christ is placed inside an embellished casket, a much different version of how Jesus have died and how He was buried.

According to the Bible, Joseph asked Pontius Pilate for Jesus' body. They then wrapped His body with a linen cloth and buried it in a tomb. Here I should say is how people prefer to look at things behind rose-tinted glasses. I felt that if Jesus death was presented as how it is described in the Bible, then kissing the Dead Jesus Christ would be more than just a practice that we do every year. My young niece and nephew, who had their first experience of this part of our culture, would have asked more questions at why people would kiss a mutilated body all drenched in blood with nothing on but a linen cloth.

Of the more profound lessons from the commemoration of this event, I remember a simple lesson that deals with cristicisms.  A quote goes, "You cannot please everybody. Look at what happened to the man who did all the right things."

Holy Thursday

Feeling a little lazy and sleepy, we headed to our Parish Church located in the heart our town, Bangar, a rustic village in the province of La Union, where freshly caught fishes, shrimps, squids and other sea creatures are sold by enterprising fishermen right in our doorsteps.


It's been a long time since I've paid a visit to our Parish Church. To return to the Church is not really meeting old friends or acquaintances, or catching up with fellow members. I only knew people I’ve met in some other places outside the Church. Going to Church is revering a common God, being in harmony with the community in singing the Gospel songs and listening to sermon, trying to answer your own questions that may arise. It's a one-way communication, much like watching in a movie theater.

The Paschal Triduum begins with the Holy Thursday. Today, we're going to witness the Washing of the Feet.

Forgive me, for I have not quite reflected on the virtue that is being symbolized in this act. While I watch, I thought that this is one moment where you experience the culture of a place. I love the sound of Ilocano phrases and Ilocano songs which I still can recall from when I was an elementary student in a Catholic school a decade ago.

The twelve men who played the apostles consisted of men from different professions. The first one is a Brgy. Captain. Leaning towards my younger sister, I said "Corrupt". She hesitated a smile. Looking back, I thought that it was an unfair prejudice on all government officials. The Brgy. Captain stood up, introduced himself, and described how he contributes to society. He then sat down then the priest washed his feet and wiped it dry with a towel. Another is a student. I wondered who composed his script which rather resulted to a pessimistic soliloquy. Maybe a parent who's a having a hard time with an adolescent young. He said that he demands for allowance every time, incurs a lot of expenses and has a high tuition fee. I was expecting the more common "Children are our Future" thing when referring to youth. He then sat down and the priest washed his feet and used the same towel he used with the Brgy. Captain to wipe his feet dry. This continued. One is a fisherman, and one is a farmer. When the doctor showed himself, my mother told us that he has filed a lawsuit in the Regional Trial Court. My mother continued much of these side comments for the duration of the ceremony. Then there's a teacher, a police and an OFW. I remember the police saying, "Will there come a time when there will be peace, where truth will prevail, and there will be dignity and respect in people?” The OFW said, "When I worked abroad, I settled for the pictures of my loved ones and missed the warmth of their embrace". Then there is the Istambay, meaning standby or the unemployed. I immediately thought, what value could he teach us? I did not quite remember all his self-introduction but I think there are not much of positive things he said about himself. He said that he's waiting for opportunities where he may be able to give his service. Still convinced he shouldn't be among the twelve Apostles, I remembered, I am an Istambay. And yes, with the guilt, the pressure, the realization that I'm not carrying much of the burden of living, I too cannot say much positive things about myself but nonetheless a part of the community. If these are the predominant professions in our town, then I am not alone as an Istambay. What a relief.

The ceremony continued. I felt a little embarrassed when my mother raises her voice when singing the Gospel songs. Then I realized that I and my younger sister, weren't gifted with a pleasant tone either. When I tried the second voice, my sister said, "that doesn't sound good", while trying to look as seriously as possible so that I would take her comment seriously. I did, but I sang anyway.

My knees hurt, my sister sleepy, my mother silent, the mass ended. We walked towards the marketplace and bought some things. My mother suggested that we walk home as a gesture of penitence for the Holy Week. It's a less than a kilometer distance. She thought about it for awhile then waved for a tricycle and we ride home.