Chagrin

This is a new word for me.

Dictionary.com says,
cha·grin   (shə-grĭn') 
n. A keen feeling of mental unease, as of annoyance or embarrassment, caused by failure, disappointment, or a disconcerting event: To her chagrin, the party ended just as she arrived. 

cha·grin   (shə-grĭn')  

–verb (used with object) to vex by disappointment or humiliation: The rejection of his proposal chagrined him deeply. 

 I think this captures what a job seeker like me sometimes feel. Often, it's embarrassing to colleagues to have no job. One time, I asked a batchmate for a referral. I got the interview but failed disastrously. It was really embarrassing. Now people, friends, batchmates are meeting up while I am not showing up in these get-together... I was wondering sometimes if they talk about me... if they pity me...if their image of me in their minds have lost luster...

Maybe it's just but vanity that I think of these things. But the emotion of chagrin is there and I really can't do anything about it. I was performing well in the past, and I really felt that I am at the rock bottom this time. But I think I'm getting used to it. Too bad, my ego is hurting really bad.