When I was in College, back in 2006, when I was still on my 3rd year, I took an exam, along with the top 10 of my batch and top 10 of the lower batch. I was really hardworking and very active in school back then. I was also an officer in the Student Council and a Class President. And among the Top 10, I was one of the four students who topped the exam and underwent the interview.
I got the scholarship. The scholarship covered my last year in College. And I signed a bond with the company, where I should be serving them for 2 years...
To cut the chase, 3 months while working at my company, I felt unhappy and depressed. I have been dragging myself to work. I asked myself, is this what my life would be from now on? When I was a fresh grad, I thought, jobs will be challenging and exciting, and companies will be needing my fresh ideas. I was idealistic on jobs. My expectations are high. And my self-confidence and trust in my abilities are soaring high. But all of them went crushing down.
As one writer says, sometimes, when we get so good in what we're doing, we forget how hard it is to learn things. I know this but I doubted if this skill, if the machines I am learning to use, are the ones I will be investing my life into.In short, 10 months in my job, I quit. I ran away from my bond. An easy decision that I might regret for a long time. But I could still say, that the time when I was walking away from that factory, was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt liberated. I put on my earphones, played a song and spread my arms and I felt like shouting... I'm free.
Fast forward to ten months after my resignation. I was hiding from people, out of mostly in embarrassment and shame. I was too arrogant. I was too arrogant. Did I really believe companies will hire me bacause I was good in school? Of course not... it doesn't mean that you'll be successful in the job when your weighted average is high. How could I defend myself now? I was the scholar, who ran out of his bond, complained in his job...sucked in his job. How could I sell myself now?
In my job interviews, I felt like talking to the HRs that I have disappointed and abandoned in my previous company. I could hear them saying, "It's payback time!". The worst is when a hiring manager told me "ayaw mo ng nahihirapan (you don't want difficult jobs)". Which is true in all sense, I must admit... but I need to pay the rent.
In these difficult times, I questioned a lot of things. The real life is really different from life in school. I try to clarify concepts that I usually here about life... about Passion, Dreams, Potential, and about working hard as a means in achieving your dreams...
I hear my Ego screaming for pain.
Ten months of job hunting, of dressing up, filling up application forms, walking out of grueling interviews, receiving rejection emails. I know, this is petty compared to other people's problems but I am not strong enough.
If you're able to follow my petty story up to this part, I should tell you that I have learned a few things...some might actually change the way I look at the world (I have become pessimistic due to many disappointments) and the way I should live my life.
I'll try to share them to you in the next posts...
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