Evil lingers on the idle. I bet that in a country with a high crime rate, giving jobs to people will make significant reduction. There's a lot of evil things you think of when you don't have a job. I for one, having no job at the moment, actually thinks that I don't have an outlet to expend my energy. My energy surplus is building up and I'm quite sure I'm gonna explode soon. It's funny that nine months ago(OMG has it been nine months already...OMG...it's been so long), I was devastated, even suicidal on my first job. My unhappiness gave so much power to my impulsion that I quit. As they say, it's good to be a man of reason, you do what you want to do, then justify with a reason. Should I tell you I still have a contract with my first company. I actually have 14 months more when I quit. I can't believe that my feelings about having to force myself to stay in my first job is impossible. They could actually sue me. Everyday, for the past three months (I just came to realization only three months ago) I have been constantly haunted by what I did and by my situation right now (jobless), relentlessly, like a shadow of the pass.. WOOoooo. Why oh why have I done it? Was I that too weak to give in to my mpulses. One thing is my false and high expectations at the time. Did I actually think that many companies are dying to hire me? Naive, fledger, stupid! I'm so fucked up right now with this situation. Time is running out men, I'm spending the raimaining years of my youth inside my parents house.
Lord, help me in this situation
Do I sitll have much more lessons to learn?
Did I learn the lesson already?
I know I have been arrogant
I thought at that time that I deserve better...
My job mas menial, and I'm not doing a good job
I'm not good in doing a menial job
But what should I expect about the opportunities in the third world
In a world that is becoming a third world
Resources being depleted,
Amoebas breeding, that's us
There's no stopping us in occupying this world
But Lord, I know deep inside, I still am a believer
Please tell me, why am I afraid?
It's true that I thought I am way more fortunate than most people
But why am I afraid
Why do I look at the future with little hope
Why do I care about the material things and success...
Why do I care about my youth, my talents and the opportunities
Why do I feel that I must do it, and that I can't do it
Why do I give so much pressure to myself,
Was this to meet those I think are the expectations of others?
Is there an honor in living a life in desolation?
Lord, was this the lesson that I have yet to learn?
How about self esteem, how about potentials and talent and hardwork?
A life we dream of is an inspiration,
A source of energy that is as important from the one we get from the food we eat...
Lord, where should I go...
Certainly, doing my best is the right thing, but the world is not responding,
The world is keeping me here in my place, in my house that's already spitting me out
I'm certainly don't belong here Lord,
You have made me to solve problems,
This is a problem but how could I solve this...
Lord, I know that everytime I call you I ask
I know that when I am on a vantage point I question your existance,
But again, here I am, begging you for answers, for grace
Lord, help me, bless me,
Put me to a place where I could deplete my resources, my energy, my body, my youth
I am asking for a second chance,
Give me an opportunity...
I know that many people are asking you this,
But I really think that I have paid my dues,
Not in my previous job, but as always,
it's always about getting better, more competent,
better person,
I know that you have made me a person with limitation,
but I have done a lot with the little that I've got,
with the little time that I've got....
Lord, help me, I know I should feel that living yet another day is another bonus for me
Bring me to a place where I could give more and learn more...
