I always run out of energy. But now, I want to push harder with my job hunting.
What more can I give. Is there really a limit?
Push harder. Push harder. Let's see what happens.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Internet is my New Bestfriend
Back in College, when I shifted from my Chemical Engineering degree to Electronics Engineering, I had a hard time adjusting to the new environment, especially with the people I worked with. I remember when it was unbearable, I hastily went home, picked up the phone and talked to my bestfriend about it. Our conversation begins with me complaining about people then shifts to us being mean, criticizing people and having good laughs. It helped me a lot during those days.
Now that I am experiencing similar difficulty in the real world, instead of calling my friend, I turn to Google. I type in the keywords and voila, I immediately find a blogger experiencing very similar situation, where other people who experienced the same thing gives some advices and words of encouragements. Internet has all the answers.
But I realized, I have practically replaced my friend with the Internet. It provides credible references, gives more detailed analysis, is more accessible and minus the awkwardness of opening up to other people.
This lead me to ask, how important is personal interaction in building relationships with our families and friends? How deep can relationships go if people choose to talk to various media other than being personally present? If you're a teenager, why not just talk to Google about your problems, instead of your parents?...in this way, you will not be scolded and you will not be put in an embarrassing situation.
Technology in all its efficiency, brought people around the world closer but also farther apart.
Now that I am experiencing similar difficulty in the real world, instead of calling my friend, I turn to Google. I type in the keywords and voila, I immediately find a blogger experiencing very similar situation, where other people who experienced the same thing gives some advices and words of encouragements. Internet has all the answers.
But I realized, I have practically replaced my friend with the Internet. It provides credible references, gives more detailed analysis, is more accessible and minus the awkwardness of opening up to other people.
This lead me to ask, how important is personal interaction in building relationships with our families and friends? How deep can relationships go if people choose to talk to various media other than being personally present? If you're a teenager, why not just talk to Google about your problems, instead of your parents?...in this way, you will not be scolded and you will not be put in an embarrassing situation.
Technology in all its efficiency, brought people around the world closer but also farther apart.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Bone of Contention
A difficult plight.
I want to read blogs that are real. Many people use blog these days to increase traffic, gain some publicity and sell... sell stuffs, advertise and make money. I want to do that too, make money through blogging.
But as a reader I want to read blogs that are real. I want to learn and find out the real experiences of others, specially with those that I could relate to.
As a blogger, I want to share everything. All my experiences especially those that others could learn from. Mistakes, embarrassments, the NO-nos...based from experiences... in short, self-incriminating ones. Therefore, it's understandable if I don't want to reveal myself so that I could be more open.
And therefore, I could not advertise myself as myself. So, I could not adverstise my link to my friends and family.
It's hard to reach out when I'm hiding myself for me to reveal more.
I want to read blogs that are real. Many people use blog these days to increase traffic, gain some publicity and sell... sell stuffs, advertise and make money. I want to do that too, make money through blogging.
But as a reader I want to read blogs that are real. I want to learn and find out the real experiences of others, specially with those that I could relate to.
As a blogger, I want to share everything. All my experiences especially those that others could learn from. Mistakes, embarrassments, the NO-nos...based from experiences... in short, self-incriminating ones. Therefore, it's understandable if I don't want to reveal myself so that I could be more open.
And therefore, I could not advertise myself as myself. So, I could not adverstise my link to my friends and family.
It's hard to reach out when I'm hiding myself for me to reveal more.
Must See
My expectations on the movie are low to start with. The movie surpassed it by three levels. This is surely a must see movie. It's deep, abstract, complicated, a maze of twists and turns. The special effects are great, and the actors are really good (this is expected). There were only few times that I heard people laugh, so it's not a cheesy nor a funny movie. It's a movie that would make you think, speculate, and urges you to go back to latter scenes and understand the story. People actually gave an applause at the end of the movie. How many times do people do that in a movie? I really love it.
Now that I've set your expectations, you're not gonna love it as much as I do. haha. But at least you know what movie to spend your 170 pesos and 2.5 hours. Have a nice day!
Friday, July 16, 2010
It's Raining
It's raining and it's cold.
I love the rain. Back in College, I love taking exams when it's raining. Maybe because I feel the comfort of being inside a safe place while aware of the chaos brought by rain outside. I feel that class lectures are informal when it's raining, I'm at ease and would not take lectures seriously.
Here's my poem about rain,
So what dou you think? haha...As a disclaimer, I'll get ahead of you in saying...
I love the rain. Back in College, I love taking exams when it's raining. Maybe because I feel the comfort of being inside a safe place while aware of the chaos brought by rain outside. I feel that class lectures are informal when it's raining, I'm at ease and would not take lectures seriously.
Here's my poem about rain,
I sat on the window, my chin clinging on the edges of my arms
I'm looking upon the details of this picture I'm painting in my head
My eyes see the gray clouds, the houses and streets washed in monochrome
My ears hear the faint dab of color blue, and sparkling white of water flowing,
and black like gloomy alleys, cold and damp
My heart hears the laughter, sees glimpse of youth and innocence.
Oh what an intricate piece it is,
The rain and the life, inside the frame of this window where I sat.
So what dou you think? haha...As a disclaimer, I'll get ahead of you in saying...
"Oh talent, where art thou?".
Just be patient okey. Keep reading. I'll get better at this, I think...
Business Plan
While I'm hunting for jobs, a part of me is thinking about business.
I'm going to save enough then quit to put up a business. Well, I'm thinking of selling some cloth(tela) in the Province. I just want make some things accessible in the province. How I hate myself for not being business savvy. I have designed some t-shirts before that I was not able to sell. I got bankrupted because I've got nowhere to put the manufactured goods.
Now, I'm at it again. Someday, I will run a business and be happy with what I'm doing. Which lead me to think, why should I wait for someday to come before being happy with what I'm doing. That's why I try to remind myself everyday, to appreciate and count the blessing that I have each day.
Business. business.
I'm going to save enough then quit to put up a business. Well, I'm thinking of selling some cloth(tela) in the Province. I just want make some things accessible in the province. How I hate myself for not being business savvy. I have designed some t-shirts before that I was not able to sell. I got bankrupted because I've got nowhere to put the manufactured goods.
Now, I'm at it again. Someday, I will run a business and be happy with what I'm doing. Which lead me to think, why should I wait for someday to come before being happy with what I'm doing. That's why I try to remind myself everyday, to appreciate and count the blessing that I have each day.
Business. business.
Pathetic
Well, this should be one of the most pathetic situations I've experienced.
I am taking an exam today for an RPG trainee position. I got up, washed and put on a smart casual outfit that I had prepared last night. While I'm putting on my shoes, our house manager(our helper, who's taking care of our budget and stuff) asked me, "do you have money?". I said, "No, I don't have any." She said, "Well, we don't have money."
I was embarrassed. My younger brother, upon hearing, even looked at me like he was really sorry with my situation. I was caught off-guard really. My first reaction was, "Oh, okey. Then I shouldn't be going then." Pathetic, now I don't even have money to go out of the house and find a job. Then she said, "Oh, I still have 500 pesos in there. If you want, let split it up." I thought, "so, now she has money, the nerve she got for making me feel unfortunate." I'm really pitiful at that time, pathetic.
I looked inside my bag and inside my pants'pockets and I saw some 120 pesos. That I used to go from Kalookan to Makati and back, with an extra for a cookie and shawarma.
I really should find a job already. I can't live like this anymore.
I am taking an exam today for an RPG trainee position. I got up, washed and put on a smart casual outfit that I had prepared last night. While I'm putting on my shoes, our house manager(our helper, who's taking care of our budget and stuff) asked me, "do you have money?". I said, "No, I don't have any." She said, "Well, we don't have money."
I was embarrassed. My younger brother, upon hearing, even looked at me like he was really sorry with my situation. I was caught off-guard really. My first reaction was, "Oh, okey. Then I shouldn't be going then." Pathetic, now I don't even have money to go out of the house and find a job. Then she said, "Oh, I still have 500 pesos in there. If you want, let split it up." I thought, "so, now she has money, the nerve she got for making me feel unfortunate." I'm really pitiful at that time, pathetic.
I looked inside my bag and inside my pants'pockets and I saw some 120 pesos. That I used to go from Kalookan to Makati and back, with an extra for a cookie and shawarma.
I really should find a job already. I can't live like this anymore.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Give them a Chance
I remember on my first job, I thought, "I should give people a chance to get this job. If people want it and I don't like it, I would not take it from them."
Right now, I would fight tooth and nail for a job. "Give them a chance"...what a noble act, used in a not so noble way. In many ways, this is but a rationalization. Entry level jobs are menial. Most jobs are menial.
I am not that regretful though, about quiting my job on impulse and learning a lesson the hard way....hehe
Right now, I would fight tooth and nail for a job. "Give them a chance"...what a noble act, used in a not so noble way. In many ways, this is but a rationalization. Entry level jobs are menial. Most jobs are menial.
I am not that regretful though, about quiting my job on impulse and learning a lesson the hard way....hehe
Website Idea
What if there's a blog...(most probably, there is already)...when pictures/images are to be posted, and a famous and highly-respected photographers or team of photographers are going make a critic on the pictures.
The blog is for avid photography fans (there's a lot of them if you just look around) who wants to learn about what makes a photo special, or what makes a special photo different form the others...
Of course, there are a lot of pictures in the net already, in Flicker...in Google. For me, the thing that makes blogs valuable is that, the vast information there is in the internet, is being sorted out to readers who are interested in certain genre or topic. Just like what Google does, getting the exact information that the user wants.
This is what I want to do...but doing is very different from wanting, right? For now, I just want to write for my own pleasure of pouring in some thoughts, and archiving some ideas for future use.
The blog is for avid photography fans (there's a lot of them if you just look around) who wants to learn about what makes a photo special, or what makes a special photo different form the others...
Of course, there are a lot of pictures in the net already, in Flicker...in Google. For me, the thing that makes blogs valuable is that, the vast information there is in the internet, is being sorted out to readers who are interested in certain genre or topic. Just like what Google does, getting the exact information that the user wants.
This is what I want to do...but doing is very different from wanting, right? For now, I just want to write for my own pleasure of pouring in some thoughts, and archiving some ideas for future use.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
My Story
When I was in College, back in 2006, when I was still on my 3rd year, I took an exam, along with the top 10 of my batch and top 10 of the lower batch. I was really hardworking and very active in school back then. I was also an officer in the Student Council and a Class President. And among the Top 10, I was one of the four students who topped the exam and underwent the interview.
I got the scholarship. The scholarship covered my last year in College. And I signed a bond with the company, where I should be serving them for 2 years...
To cut the chase, 3 months while working at my company, I felt unhappy and depressed. I have been dragging myself to work. I asked myself, is this what my life would be from now on? When I was a fresh grad, I thought, jobs will be challenging and exciting, and companies will be needing my fresh ideas. I was idealistic on jobs. My expectations are high. And my self-confidence and trust in my abilities are soaring high. But all of them went crushing down.
As one writer says, sometimes, when we get so good in what we're doing, we forget how hard it is to learn things. I know this but I doubted if this skill, if the machines I am learning to use, are the ones I will be investing my life into.In short, 10 months in my job, I quit. I ran away from my bond. An easy decision that I might regret for a long time. But I could still say, that the time when I was walking away from that factory, was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt liberated. I put on my earphones, played a song and spread my arms and I felt like shouting... I'm free.
Fast forward to ten months after my resignation. I was hiding from people, out of mostly in embarrassment and shame. I was too arrogant. I was too arrogant. Did I really believe companies will hire me bacause I was good in school? Of course not... it doesn't mean that you'll be successful in the job when your weighted average is high. How could I defend myself now? I was the scholar, who ran out of his bond, complained in his job...sucked in his job. How could I sell myself now?
In my job interviews, I felt like talking to the HRs that I have disappointed and abandoned in my previous company. I could hear them saying, "It's payback time!". The worst is when a hiring manager told me "ayaw mo ng nahihirapan (you don't want difficult jobs)". Which is true in all sense, I must admit... but I need to pay the rent.
In these difficult times, I questioned a lot of things. The real life is really different from life in school. I try to clarify concepts that I usually here about life... about Passion, Dreams, Potential, and about working hard as a means in achieving your dreams...
I hear my Ego screaming for pain.
Ten months of job hunting, of dressing up, filling up application forms, walking out of grueling interviews, receiving rejection emails. I know, this is petty compared to other people's problems but I am not strong enough.
If you're able to follow my petty story up to this part, I should tell you that I have learned a few things...some might actually change the way I look at the world (I have become pessimistic due to many disappointments) and the way I should live my life.
I'll try to share them to you in the next posts...
I got the scholarship. The scholarship covered my last year in College. And I signed a bond with the company, where I should be serving them for 2 years...
To cut the chase, 3 months while working at my company, I felt unhappy and depressed. I have been dragging myself to work. I asked myself, is this what my life would be from now on? When I was a fresh grad, I thought, jobs will be challenging and exciting, and companies will be needing my fresh ideas. I was idealistic on jobs. My expectations are high. And my self-confidence and trust in my abilities are soaring high. But all of them went crushing down.
As one writer says, sometimes, when we get so good in what we're doing, we forget how hard it is to learn things. I know this but I doubted if this skill, if the machines I am learning to use, are the ones I will be investing my life into.In short, 10 months in my job, I quit. I ran away from my bond. An easy decision that I might regret for a long time. But I could still say, that the time when I was walking away from that factory, was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt liberated. I put on my earphones, played a song and spread my arms and I felt like shouting... I'm free.
Fast forward to ten months after my resignation. I was hiding from people, out of mostly in embarrassment and shame. I was too arrogant. I was too arrogant. Did I really believe companies will hire me bacause I was good in school? Of course not... it doesn't mean that you'll be successful in the job when your weighted average is high. How could I defend myself now? I was the scholar, who ran out of his bond, complained in his job...sucked in his job. How could I sell myself now?
In my job interviews, I felt like talking to the HRs that I have disappointed and abandoned in my previous company. I could hear them saying, "It's payback time!". The worst is when a hiring manager told me "ayaw mo ng nahihirapan (you don't want difficult jobs)". Which is true in all sense, I must admit... but I need to pay the rent.
In these difficult times, I questioned a lot of things. The real life is really different from life in school. I try to clarify concepts that I usually here about life... about Passion, Dreams, Potential, and about working hard as a means in achieving your dreams...
I hear my Ego screaming for pain.
Ten months of job hunting, of dressing up, filling up application forms, walking out of grueling interviews, receiving rejection emails. I know, this is petty compared to other people's problems but I am not strong enough.
If you're able to follow my petty story up to this part, I should tell you that I have learned a few things...some might actually change the way I look at the world (I have become pessimistic due to many disappointments) and the way I should live my life.
I'll try to share them to you in the next posts...
Brownout
I followed up my application at the one remaining company I had aplpied to. A horrible news, and an unusual one. They told me that I fell short of 6 points in the second part of the exam.
It's brownout in most of Manila today. No water, no electricity. A storm passed by last night. It's huffing and puffing, trying to blew our house down. I opened the doors and the windows to keep the pressure down and keep our house steady.
But I am not steady. In the morning, whilst awake at around 9am, the first thing that came to my mind is having no job, having nothing to do, nowhere to go, no companies to apply to... I tried drowning the thought by falling back to sleep. I have literal nightmares. I also dreamt when I was still in College, and everything was doing well. I stood up from my bed at around 11 in the morning.
I told myself, this is not how I should act. I tried going back to the story of one person I truly admire. Benjamin Franklin. A self-made person, not having educated in prestigious schools, but was able to succeed.
I opened my book and read about Java programming. I did not notice that the book I used when I took a class in C++ programming also contained Java programming at the later chapters. So this has kept me busy all day.
Sigh. Best of luck with job hunting.
It's brownout in most of Manila today. No water, no electricity. A storm passed by last night. It's huffing and puffing, trying to blew our house down. I opened the doors and the windows to keep the pressure down and keep our house steady.
But I am not steady. In the morning, whilst awake at around 9am, the first thing that came to my mind is having no job, having nothing to do, nowhere to go, no companies to apply to... I tried drowning the thought by falling back to sleep. I have literal nightmares. I also dreamt when I was still in College, and everything was doing well. I stood up from my bed at around 11 in the morning.
I told myself, this is not how I should act. I tried going back to the story of one person I truly admire. Benjamin Franklin. A self-made person, not having educated in prestigious schools, but was able to succeed.
I opened my book and read about Java programming. I did not notice that the book I used when I took a class in C++ programming also contained Java programming at the later chapters. So this has kept me busy all day.
Sigh. Best of luck with job hunting.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Someday
People have different attitudes depending on where they are on their job hunting or how long they are job hunting.
I am at the middle of the marathon. Although I have never been into marathons I can say this is a hard part. Running out of fuel and energy, while not being able to see the finish line. It's like being at the middle of the Ocean, or at the middle of the dessert. Unless you've been into such places before, in finding yourself lost into this vast uncertainty, where can one find the trust and determination that one day,you will find what you are looking for?
I am at the middle of the marathon. Although I have never been into marathons I can say this is a hard part. Running out of fuel and energy, while not being able to see the finish line. It's like being at the middle of the Ocean, or at the middle of the dessert. Unless you've been into such places before, in finding yourself lost into this vast uncertainty, where can one find the trust and determination that one day,you will find what you are looking for?
Not Again
This is yet another sad day for me. I just failed my exam for Software Test Engineer. Actually, I like the Software Developer position but I thought that I would not qualify for that. My plan is to settle as Software Test Engineer while taking classes or self-studying on how to program using Java, Perl, C++ etc. I have a C++ class in College but I think the exam for the Software Developer position is in Java (as what I've read from the forums).
I also took an exam at >> another company and fortunately, this time, I passed the exam. However, I left because I thought I failed the exam. They called me up over the phone to inform me that I passed and they scheduled me for an interview. But they texted me later that day and informed me that the interviewers will not be available and they will just contact me to reschedule the exam. I haven't got a call until now.
Today, I was left with one option. I should not call this an option. But at least, there's still a splinter that keeps my hopes burning. Last week, there wasn't any. Nowhere to start, nowhere to go. It's one of the most difficult times during job hunting.
I also took an exam at >> another company and fortunately, this time, I passed the exam. However, I left because I thought I failed the exam. They called me up over the phone to inform me that I passed and they scheduled me for an interview. But they texted me later that day and informed me that the interviewers will not be available and they will just contact me to reschedule the exam. I haven't got a call until now.
Today, I was left with one option. I should not call this an option. But at least, there's still a splinter that keeps my hopes burning. Last week, there wasn't any. Nowhere to start, nowhere to go. It's one of the most difficult times during job hunting.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Supply and Demand
So, I'm waiting for the results of the two job applications I had last week. I tried not to think about it so I begin searching the internet for more job openings.
I found out that the more companies I apply to, the more confident I become and the less weight I put on each company. I don't anymore feel that "this is my last chance". But rather, "this is their last chance" of getting a potentially good employee such as me.
At this stage, any source of confidence I could use is valuable as I'm loosing hope day by day. But what I found out today is simple, companies create a value for themselves by getting as many people as possible to apply to them. You create your value by applying to as many companies as possible. If you think there's other chances of getting a job, then you will not desparate in your application to one company.
I found out that the more companies I apply to, the more confident I become and the less weight I put on each company. I don't anymore feel that "this is my last chance". But rather, "this is their last chance" of getting a potentially good employee such as me.
At this stage, any source of confidence I could use is valuable as I'm loosing hope day by day. But what I found out today is simple, companies create a value for themselves by getting as many people as possible to apply to them. You create your value by applying to as many companies as possible. If you think there's other chances of getting a job, then you will not desparate in your application to one company.
Loss of Nothing
When I have extra money, I realized, that my "essentials" takes on a different form. Suddenly, things I previously don't care about matters.
One thing I realized, even though I got all the things I needed, I think that I should have more, not entirely for personal satisfaction but in achieving my full potential. I will not argue against the importance of traveling in expanding one's horizons but should I really include it in my "essentials". How about continuing education and taking classes? I will not totally disagree with it, but is it also an essential?
My point is, there are a lot of forces that tell us what are the things that should matter. I believe that there should only be few. Sometimes, people think they are missing out on a lot of things. It's an imaginary loss, a loss of nothing if I may say.
One thing I realized, even though I got all the things I needed, I think that I should have more, not entirely for personal satisfaction but in achieving my full potential. I will not argue against the importance of traveling in expanding one's horizons but should I really include it in my "essentials". How about continuing education and taking classes? I will not totally disagree with it, but is it also an essential?
My point is, there are a lot of forces that tell us what are the things that should matter. I believe that there should only be few. Sometimes, people think they are missing out on a lot of things. It's an imaginary loss, a loss of nothing if I may say.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Slowly cominng to a Halt
Today, I've not done anything. I've viewed a lot of clips on youtube...those that say...Don't give up... 20 secrets to keep you going...Some, I think are really inspiring.
Amidst the many different quiotes, one got stuck in my mind.
I kept on finding some explanations on this. Probably, psychological theories from which it was referenced but to no avail. I'll get back on this quote some other time.
All those quotes helped and inspired me...a lot. But because of that feeling of being inspired, being elated, like some kind of addictive drug, I kept looking for more inspiring video clips. I just wasted my whole day to be inspired.
In the end, it all comes down to accepting that the situation is difficult and you should have the resolve in getting yourself out of this rut.
Amidst the many different quiotes, one got stuck in my mind.
"From your vulnerabilities comes your strength" by Sigmund Freud
I kept on finding some explanations on this. Probably, psychological theories from which it was referenced but to no avail. I'll get back on this quote some other time.
All those quotes helped and inspired me...a lot. But because of that feeling of being inspired, being elated, like some kind of addictive drug, I kept looking for more inspiring video clips. I just wasted my whole day to be inspired.
In the end, it all comes down to accepting that the situation is difficult and you should have the resolve in getting yourself out of this rut.
COBOL
There's something in the name that reminds me of cobwebs, dungeons, and dark alleys.
Unfortunately, this programming language is where some are putting their money in, here in Philippines. COBOL is one of the oldest programming language. According to wikipedia, it was created in 1959 to support finance and business systems etc. Many companies are outsourcing maintenance jobs for systems in COBOL.
To cut the chase, apparently, I am applying for a COBOL trainee position...which has a three year contract. Writing it down makes me realize that it's obviously a wrong decision.
This is a funny quote. When someone says "let's be realistic", you know he/she is not going to do anything good.
So let's be realistic. It's a right to choose, if you have options that is.
Unfortunately, this programming language is where some are putting their money in, here in Philippines. COBOL is one of the oldest programming language. According to wikipedia, it was created in 1959 to support finance and business systems etc. Many companies are outsourcing maintenance jobs for systems in COBOL.
To cut the chase, apparently, I am applying for a COBOL trainee position...which has a three year contract. Writing it down makes me realize that it's obviously a wrong decision.
This is a funny quote. When someone says "let's be realistic", you know he/she is not going to do anything good.
So let's be realistic. It's a right to choose, if you have options that is.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Start with yourself
Kalma. Calm. Be calm.
This is my friends advise to me. Getting a job is really frustrating. There are a lot of interviews I've been into and failed.
Here I'm left alone in our house, finding ways to be busy. If I stay still for a moment, thoughts race in my mind. I am always kept reminded of the future. I thought of this once. Can we really do something about our future? Or is fate dragging as to where we should be no matter how strongly we resist it. Finally, where should I be then?
That I shall see.
This is my friends advise to me. Getting a job is really frustrating. There are a lot of interviews I've been into and failed.
Here I'm left alone in our house, finding ways to be busy. If I stay still for a moment, thoughts race in my mind. I am always kept reminded of the future. I thought of this once. Can we really do something about our future? Or is fate dragging as to where we should be no matter how strongly we resist it. Finally, where should I be then?
That I shall see.
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