Lost and found

Supposedly, a 3,000 pesos savings could still support me until if ever I get a job within the next two months. Unfortunately, I just lost my wallet, with all my money in it along with my ATM cards. I swear I felt that this time, I have lost everything (although it's obvious I haven't lost any).

It's raining today. And I try to keep a fast and steady pace. I have observed that people who walk slowly don't know where to go next. Walking speed is directly proportional to how sure you are that you will be in a certain place. I just lost my money and I don't wanna look at lost. I managed to continue to where I am headed, and asked instead for some details and successfully made a plan for tomorrow. I went home, fearing of contacting leptospirosis from walking across the street entirely sunked in flood, just above the ankle deep.

When I passed by the church, I thought of making a visit. It's dark and with only few incandescent lights flooding the altar, like rain accumulated in water paddies. I thought of the money I have lost . Serously, I thought it's just a small amount. If I'm going to make it for another 10 years, it would only buy me a 3-day meal. But I sat there, and I had goosebumps. Tears fell down from my eyes. No, the money is not worth my tears. I just recalled my recent interview. Oh rejection, how could I ever have a grace. The sad thing is that, you never you loose hope in circumstances such as these, you keep expecting, until time tells you what you already know. It's you that is betraying yourself.

I washed my tears. I rested my head on my bag, on my lap and maybe because of exhaustion, I fell into a shallow sleep, or a deep one. Sleep is the best theraphy, I think. You forget things and sometimes, you wake up feeling rested.  I woke up when I heard people leaving through the doorway. It took me awhile to make sense of where I was. I stood up and there, slowly I gained pace, steady, brisk walk, knowing but not knowing where to go next.